“With acts of solidarity, we can curb the use of shame in attempts to assert control over sexual and gender minorities. I propose adopting an early support model to address problematic behavior,” says Eero Nurmi in the column that also serves as a reminder of the necessary steps forward Finland has yet to take.
THE PASILA DISTRICT, Helsinki. A warm summer evening. A leisurely stroll with little to write home about until a passerby gets all too close, spits on me and storms off. Stunned, I shout after the person and wonder what just happened. Based on past experiences, my thoughts take a familiar path: was my queerness the cause of this stranger’s rage?
I start to wonder whether my attire or some other feature has hinted at my sexual orientation. Even if the motive has absolutely nothing to do with me being queer, the incident not only shakes my feeling of safety but also takes my mind to new places.
I realize that, while attempting to avoid drawing attention to myself, I have spent years minimizing traits that could allude to me belonging to a sexual minority, including how I talk, move and dress. My internalized homophobia has been hard at work on the same task this passerby decided to take on – asserting control through the use of shame.
The memory of this incident from last summer rose to the surface when I heard a snippet of Devery Jacobs’ acceptance speech at the 2024 Now Awards, hosted by the online platform Them. Upon looking up the opposite of "pride," the actor found that, instead of "humility," it is "shame." They speak of refusing to feel shame for being part of the queer community and being unabashedly full of pride. I have no choice but to agree with Jacobs: this community is too beautiful and resilient to be smothered with shame.
To lessen the power some wield with shame, I would like to use the occasion of Helsinki Pride Week to propose an early support model to address problematic behavior. While far from pioneering, the suggestion can serve as a reminder to keep Pride themes on the table all year round, rather than for one week only.
“I would like to use the occasion of Helsinki Pride Week to propose an early support model to address problematic behavior.”
In this model, holding a person accountable for discriminating against others is an act of support. Addressing unacceptable behavior as early as possible can potentially help the person in question feel that changing their thinking – and subsequent behavior – is not impossible. You see, shame has a part to play in this, too. Changing one’s mind can feel embarrassing, even if it does not need to be.
The allies of sexual and gender minorities have a particularly important role in this model. We all possess privilege of some sort, so why not use it to engage in acts of solidarity? In the end, the results will benefit everyone. Calling in – privately responding to the person and gently explaining why their behavior needs to change – is often the most effective way to address problematic conduct. Mind you, taking time to assess the safety of these kinds of situations always comes first.
To push for structural change, sometimes it is necessary to address matters more publicly and make use of calling out instead. For this year’s Helsinki Pride, the Helsinki Pride community chose to partner with political parties only if they commit to promoting a ban on conversion practices, which are aimed at changing, repressing or suppressing the sexual orientation, gender identity or expression of LGBTQ+ persons.
ILGA-Europe – the European Region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association – has also highlighted the banning of conversion practices as an area of development in Finland, as documented in the Rainbow Europe Map & Index. Published annually on the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia on May 17th, the benchmarking tool illustrates the latest situation of laws and policies that protect the human rights of sexual and gender minorities in Europe.
Despite Finland ranking sixth, there is still plenty to do. The lack of prohibition of medical intervention on an intersex minor before the child can give informed consent is deserving of another column. The Helsinki Pride community’s stance on partnering with political parties shows that endorsing Pride involves more than just empty words. After all, Pride is a protest. This you can hear echoing at Pride parades near and far.
“The Helsinki Pride community's stance on partnering with political parties shows that endorsing Pride involves more than just empty words.”
In 2024, the theme of Helsinki Pride is Peace and Hope. Among other things, I am hopeful about the progress of the current citizens’ initiative to ban conversion practices in Finland. The work of non-governmental organizations promoting the rights of sexual and gender minorities pays off – a case in point being Finland’s reformed transgender legislation, despite its shortcomings.
We can all push for peace one small act at a time. Luckily, I was with a friend during the incident referred to at the beginning. If I ever witness anything similar, I hope to be able to offer support in the same way as my dear friend did. By doing my best to act as a counterforce to hate and shame I can feel even prouder.
Design Stories contributor Eero Nurmi is a Gender Studies student, who appreciates kindness and considerate gestures. In addition to attending Pride, his summer plans include dogspotting and smiling at passersby.
Read also:
• Finnish Design Shop's partnership with Helsinki Pride continues >
Text: Eero Nurmi Illustration: Eija Vehviläinen